the other night we talked about new york as if it was a mystical place. everyone so far knows how much i love it here. she said how sometimes she walks up from the underground and places don’t have the same sheen of magic as when she first moved here (all the people i meet here are transplants). she didn’t mean it in a bad way, and i said i knew what she meant: its like listening to a song you really loved at first listen - you still like it but you can’t ever again hear it for the first time.
i do not feel that way.
i live in the lower east side now and i know still living anywhere in the city is merely temporary - i can’t nest and i don’t want to carve out a niche for myself here. not yet anyway. think what i’m doing is simply not walking all the way into a new house, always one foot on the porch. because i have a different plan for a year from now and everything between now and then has to complement that idea.
we drank for a while and we talked about dating in general and went to the market and she bought me two cookies and a juice.
while waiting for the train, i said to him that if i was going to change my life by uprooting and moving clear across the country for someone, that person would have to be amazing.
turns out i am pretty fucking good at my job. had the opportunity to speak with one of my many bosses the other day and he said as much. validation, you bastard bitch.
last night i talked with the boy who’d asked me out and we talked about her and me and dating. so how all that went was much different than anticipated but the conclusion i arrived to is i am a disgusting mess. not really but yes, really. i do the thing where, when talking about people i like, i am so far ahead into the future that i don’t realize there isn’t a future and i need to relax and stop thinking about how to change my life right now.
new york, i still think you are amazing, so don’t let me down.