while i love my job, the last month and a half’s been full of 79+ hour weeks and little recompense. but it’s all strategy, and no one makes me do what i do; i am bad at life.
and new york, as much as i love it, man, i need a fucking break, you know?
a few weeks ago, a friend and i were talking about being happy with life, and i realized that while not fully satisfied, i don’t long for anything. i don’t feel like there’s anything missing from my days. we talked about relationships, fun, friendships, family, all of that. all of which i’m okay without right now: everything i do is for and about me.
don dellilo in UNDERWORLD: “Longing in a grand scale makes history.” fuck you, don.
about a week ago, the same friend and i were walking to the train and we were talking about that again and i mentioned how i must have every day i get be the happiest day. i said if i died at that very moment, i’d die happy because i’d a stomach full of good food, saw a good bad movie, had good company, a few bucks in my pocket, and the waiter at the joint we’d just left smiled at me.
never die longing for anything.
this is a picture i deleted off instagram because i can.